Wow, where do I start when discussing parenting? There’s so much to say about it and what it’s like to be a mother, as well as the daily adventures with my 16-month-old son, Ollie! While having a child is a lot of work, it’s totally worth it and I’d do it again in a heartbeat. I’d actually like to have a second child at some point if it’s in the cards for me, but my focus is on my son until it happens, which of course then the attention would be shared! It took me eight years and five miscarriages to have Oliver, but I don’t want my first post to be about that. I’ll share my story of my struggle with infertility over time, however, because of how much depression it caused and how obsessed I became with getting pregnant, that’s why I’m intentionally making sure to keep my focus in the present on my son and be happy with the miracle that I already have.

Yes, I still call Oliver a miracle even though I can’t count how many times he blew raspberries (strong ones) with Cheerios flying out of his mouth today, the number of times he grasped my hair near the root and yanked (who knows how many times I had to redo my ponytail haha!), toddler fits, high-pitched toddler squeals of excitement, dirty diapers, demands, and toys he chucked across the floor. If it sounds like I’m complaining, hang in there!

My home looks like a war zone (pictures of my home are taken tactfully) littered with Fisher Price and VTech toys and whatnot, many of them better described as landmines when my son is asleep, sounding off with a succession of songs and loud noises with the slightest nudge, sending you scrambling to find the “off” switch faster than my toddler finds my phone or the remote control! I swore that one of my son’s toys had a motion sensor because it would start singing and talking out of the blue with nothing around it to disturb it, and the only thing I could figure that set it off was the air flow from the vents. Later, I did find something that looked like a sensor on it. My son grabs onto the bars of a safety gate that prevents him from going into the kitchen, and he shakes it like a gorilla. He has selective memory when it comes to the word “no”, and 2/3 of his food ends up on the floor when he eats (hey, the dogs are perfectly okay with it!), he didn’t sleep through the night until he was around 14 months old, and changing the diaper of a toddler seems like a wrestling match at times (sometimes Ollie won!). And no one told me babies fart like adults starting very early on! That caused my jaw to drop quite a few times!

Did I make having a child sound like a deal-breaker? Despite all of these things I experience, or have in the past, I have absolutely no regrets! I still feel my son is my biggest and most important dream come true, and that’s something that I tell him every day. My home may not be perfect, I may not get everything done that needs to be done, and there are sometimes days that can be trying, but I always remember how blessed I am to have Oliver. The things that I mentioned above that sound so negative – my husband and I laugh it off. It’s just part of having a child, and when I see Oliver smiling, hear him laughing, or the prolonged eye contact he holds with me with smiling eyes, it just makes me love every moment that I have him. He’s worth it! Those issues are typical behavior of infants and toddlers, but there are so many more amazing things of having a child that completely overshadows any of those situations.

Watching Oliver grow and develop has been an incredible journey so far just in itself. I don’t even know how to put into words what it’s like to meet your baby and hold him for the first time after he’s born, a tiny human being that barely weighed anything and was helpless, and then watch him grow into a very determined, strong-willed, intelligent, humorous, happy, playful, affectionate, solid toddler who knows exactly what he wants, when he wants it, and soaks up new information like a sponge. There’s nothing like having Oliver play ball with me, or push his cars and trucks back and forth to each other, or Ollie pushing his much larger trucks and ride-push toys around the home with determination and a sense of duty. Watching Oliver’s mannerisms develop, experiencing his ability to communicate blossom (he points to objects and babbles as though he’s asking, “What is this?” – the babble literally sounds like he’s saying that!), or run over to me to give me a hug, or carrying Oliver around my home as he rests his head on my shoulder or points to things around us, there’s nothing that I love more! It’s funny to watch how excited Oliver gets when it’s time to take our dogs for a walk at night as a family. Oliver goes to his tricycle (we have one of those with a handlebar that I can push) and climbs on it. During the walk, he sits and observes everything around him, he sometimes looks up at the moon and points to it, and other times he continuously pulls himself up and down with the handlebars, bouncing and babbling joyfully.

The main thing with having a child is not to be too rigid, because nothing goes exactly according to plan. You must be flexible and be reasonable of what to expect from your child at any age. Don’t force them to grow up too soon or reprimand them for every little annoying or wrong behavior, that will come with time and patience – start small, and pick your battles wisely. It’s of utmost importance to have a sense of humor when you have an infant or toddler (I don’t have experience with having any older children yet), and truly empathize. Remember what it was like to be a child, think on their level, and that helps to understand how to approach a child with modifying their behavior and setting boundaries; don’t be authoritarian, but don’t be permissive either. I’ll get into these concepts and much more with time.

One of the best pieces of advice that I can give to new parents is to stay away from people who seem like they’re usually negative or complaining about their own children excessively. We get it. Children are work. They can be annoying at times. Don’t take it personally. Look past that at the bigger picture though and remember that these little behaviors are temporary and children don’t do them to be “bad” or to make parents angry, but instead it has more to do with how the brains of children develop mentally and physically. Surround yourself with parents that truly enjoy their children and being a parent and focus more on the positive, and if they mention the negative, that it’s kept to a minimum or joked about rather than genuine chronic complaining. I love parents who can find a way to make light of and laugh at the various behaviors, though it may not be best to do it in front of their children to prevent reinforcing it.

Honestly, I really enjoy having my son. The best time of the day for me is when I get to open his bedroom door in the morning to see a smiling face staring back at me standing in the crib, and the worst time is when I put him down to go to sleep for the night (I miss him right away). Don’t get me wrong, I need and get breaks during the day when he takes a nap, but they’re much shorter than going to sleep for the night, and I enjoy having Oliver around.

What is one of the best moments of having a baby? When they learn to say “Mama” or “Dadda”! The video below is of Oliver, when he was on a run of babbling “Dadda” in July 2018.

Peony Evans (my pen name)